(Friday, November 7, 2008)
SINGAPORE 8:59 AM
I'd like to share some guides with you which i read yesterday. It's really worth to read. I'll post a some chapters a day. I seriously tried thinking through after i read this book. Apologies to those I've hurt.
Taking Ourselves Too Seriously
John had worn a beard years from years. and decided he might shave it off. But he was self-conscious about making the change a wondered, "What will all my friends and workmates say? Will they joke about my face?".
After months of deliberation, he finally gathered the courage to remove the fluff-at least, he removed all but the hair on his upper lip. Fearing the worst, he arrived at work the next day. To his surprise, nobody said anything about his "new look". In fact, by lunchtime nobody had said a word.
Finally, he could stand it no longer. He raised the subject himself-
"What do you think of my new look?"
They looked blank, "What look?"
"Don't you notice anything different from me?"
There was a long silence while they all studied him from head to toe. Finally, someone chirped up, "Yeah you've grown a moustache!"
Isn't it true that we can take ourselves too seriously, being very self-conscious and thinking everyone is looking at us, yet nobody else even giving us a thought? Taking ourselves too seriously can also mean desperately try to make an impression. Take Nina,who spends two hours dolling herself up everytime she leaves the house. She agonises over the blue suit and the satin dress, over the black bumps and the white sandals. She tries eleven different necklaces and seventeen pairs of earrings before she gets the right effect. She turns to her husband, "How do I look?"
"Great."
"Are You Sure?"
"Fanstatic."
"Hair not too severe?"
"No. It's perfect."
"Lipstick not too dark?"
"Beautiful."
"You're sure I look okay?"
"You look lovely."
Between her front door and the car, Nina rushes back to the bedroom. To change her earrings. Two or three times in the course of the evening, she tells herself (sometimes she whisper to her husband) - "I should have used the pearl studs instead." Her husband said, "It doesn't matter." And Nina gets hurt. There's a point at which pride in appearance becomes an obsession. Hers is an example of low-self esteem working in reverse - she's not nearly so interested in making friends as making an impression. Nina's world revolves around her shoes, her clothes, her taste in jewellery and herself. When other people seem remote, she figures they're intimidated or envious. Actually, they find her painful and boring.
So often, things are hugely important to us don't matter a jot to the rest of humanity. Brian gets a pimple on the end of the nose, and sentences himself to a week of solitary confinement. But, who cares?
Limits Of Friendship.
You can be honest with friends. You can depend on friends. Friends you can open up to. All true. But there are also limits to any friendship. What kind of limits? Limits like -
-USING FRIENDS
Barry may be your buddy, but don't figure that you can borrow money from buddy Barry every second day of the week. Eventually Barry will decide he's being used as a bank and he'll foreclose on the friendship. The neighbours will be thrilled to baby-sit your twins a couple of times a year. They may be happily doing it every few months. They might even agree to do it every month. But press the favour to once a week and suddenly those neighbours of yours will quit answering the telephone. Meanwhile, you're saying, "What's happened to the Parkers? We were such good friends!" People love to help but they hate being used. Friendship and support is a two-way street. You need to monintor the traffic.
-ABUSING FRIENDS
Being close to a friend is no excuse to insult them. Gloria says, "If i can't insult my best friend who can?" Well Gloria, just because she's your friend doesn't mean she hasn't got any feelings. Bill says, "Of course i poke fun of her big nose. She's my wife." WRONG!
We each have delicate egos. Friendship calls for sensitivity and tact. Familiarity is fine and wonderful. But let's beware of offending. I may be your friend, but if i repeatedly joke about your looks and question your intelligence, you'll soon look elsewhere for company. No matter how close a friendship, there's always room for tact.
Adapted From "Making Friends"
Illustrated By Andrew Matthews
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